It has been fascinating to ask people in our Introduction to Conversational Intelligence® events if they can think of a time when someone really pressed their buttons, or if they can think of a person who seems to have this skill in abundance! Go on, have a think about it yourself. Can you think of a time? Who presses your buttons?
As we explore these occurrences, it is astonishing to hear the strong emotions that are identified. Emotions like anger, frustration, betrayed, annoyed, confused, shocked. What is equally astonishing is that some of these instances which remain a trigger for strong emotion took place years ago!
And just as interesting, as you will see from the list above, most people default to a negative memory… not one filled with joy, hope, positive anticipation, and feel good.
Knowing how to build conversations that create space to transform, trigger more useful parts of the brain, and be self aware about our own conversational style and its impact on others is at the heart of Conversational Intelligence®.
The brain is of course not easily represented in a picture as we lose the dynamic three dimensional complexity. As a result of all we are now learning in the field of neuroscience, we now know a great deal about the neurochemistry of the brain when in different kinds of conversation, and know how to get the best out of our conversation by giving the brain the best chance of an effective conversation.
In Conversational Intelligence® we are interested in these 5 areas:
- The reptilian brain – the most primitive part of the brain
- Heart brain – enables us to connect all our internal systems and connect to others
- Limbic brain (Amygdala) stores a history of all emotional experiences, nurtures and builds relationships
- Neocortex – hardwired for language, storing information, basic reasoning
- Prefrontal Cortex – the executive brain, hardwired for higher level co-ordination of the whole brain
This is a tiny peep at neuroscience. When we link all that we know about neuroscience and the opening up of more and more information about the brain – we can use this powerful body of work to look at how to have the most effective conversations, how to identify our own conversational style through using one of the survey tools, and equip ourselves with effective skills and behaviours for great outcomes in relationships, teams and organisations. Conversational Intelligence® (C-IQ) tools and models also allow us to be more skilful at navigating conflict in a more productive way.
Our clients and participants in our one day Introduction to C-IQ events are learning the skills to transform relationships and organisations. We hope this blog will give you a glimpse of the possibilities of Conversational Intelligence®, confidence that the work is based on evidence based research, and a desire to join us in applying the tools and models to our mutual future success.
For dates of forthcoming Introduction to C-IQ days drop us an email. We are also happy to travel for groups of 6 or more. We are also in the process of setting up a closed online group for further development and discussion for those who have attended one of our days to embed the learning and share experience of using C-IQ.